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Monday, July 5, 2010

Roll the dice Alabama

Guess what Alabama? We're losing!! We have a gambling problem & it starts with the people we elected & the gamble we took when we actually voted these idiots into office. The state of Alabama can't even afford to pay our income tax refunds in a timely manner but we can shut down a "bingo parlor" in BFE, Alabama. Baldwin County can't even afford to pay its teachers so they had to pass a 1% sales tax just to try & get in the black. All the while our wonderful Governor is dispatching his goons to shut down the big bad empire that is "bingo parlors" in Alabama. News flash Alabama...We need all the tax revenue we can get! Not only are we losing tax dollars but people are losing their jobs because of this prohibition mentality. We are already suffering with an economy that rivals the great depression & an unemployment rate that is tragic @ best. Why the hell are we trying to figure out ways to keep Alabama in the past?

Have you ever driven through a parking deck of a casino in Biloxi? Mississippi casinos are not taking in billions of dollars (yes that's billions with a B) every year by only accepting money from Mississippi residents I can assure you. Alabama residents are spending hundreds of thousands of dollars in Mississippi casinos & the Florida & Georgia lotteries are taking in that much more. I understand we live in the "Bible belt" believe me I try to forget that every day but if gambling goes against your religion then there is a very simple solution to your problem. Don't go to the casinos! In case you forgot Alabama is part of the United States. You know the USA? The country that was founded on religious freedom. Freedom to express your views but not force them upon everyone. Alabama is the heart of the "Bible belt" yes but there are other faiths that make-up our great state. Here's a novel idea let's go back to the other core value that makes our country the greatest on earth. Drum roll please...Democracy ladies & gentlemen. Put gambling to a vote. Wow, what a concept? If the majority of people in the state of Alabama don't want gambling then I will gladly continue driving 45 minutes west & do my part to help stimulate the Mississippi economy.

Have you seen the two main players in the say no to gambling campaign? I'm sure you have but here's my take on our fearless Governor & Mobile County's own District Attorney. Let's start with the smaller fish of the two shall we? Of course I'm talking about Mobile D.A. John Tyson. Have you ever listened to this guy for longer than 5 seconds? The reason I ask is because he's like a bad car accident on the interstate. If you look @ it longer than 5 seconds you'll probably end up slamming into the car in front of you. How does this apply to Tyson? After listening to John Tyson for any more than 5 seconds talk about big bad gambling I am ready to slam my head against a wall. Hell this guy's campaign commercial ended with this line, "I'm John Tyson & I fight crime." He was running for district attorney! "I fight crime." Huh? As opposed to what? Fighting gonorrhea! This guy is more famous for his brother's role in Kindergarten Cop than anything's he's done in politics. And since I mentioned it is there a better line in movie history than Arnold saying in his broken English, "It's not a tumor!" We all get it John you want to make your mark on the state of Alabama. But destroying jobs & screwing up our economy is @ the very least an interesting choice. When you're living in the shadow of a family member whose most famous for playing the villain in a 80's comedy your life has to be somewhat disappointing. Now on to a man who I swear is doing everything he possibly can to morph into Ronald Regan & that of course is Governor Bob Riley. Now don't get me wrong, Riley has done some great things as governor. Hell I voted for him twice. And I can't argue with him that Ronald Regan was one hell of a politician. But this transformation is creepy. From his haircut to having way too much starch in his white dress shirt this guy is one day away from making his wife change her name to Nancy.

So let's review. Alabama is losing revenue because we appear to be trapped in a low budget Saturday Night Live skit. But guess what guys? As we watch our state fall farther into economic hell there isn't going to be someone that interrupts this disaster & says, "Live from New York it's Saturday night." Our beaches are black & our waters are closed. We need revenue from any source we can find & if that means allowing people to put money in a machine & pull a lever then by damn let them do it. John Tyson, go back to fighting crime & Bob Riley ride off into the sunset & let the last few months of your final term be ones in which Alabama begins to climb out of this economic hole.

Right now on the list of state priorities raiding "bingo parlors" should be well below saving our beaches. If the worst thing that is happening in Alabama is people paying to play "bingo" then I think our state is in pretty good shape.